Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

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Let’s Update the Daily Kos Ukraine Relief Tote Board

It’s been a few weeks since we checked in on the fund set up to help relief agencies in Ukraine. Seems like the blink of an eye here, but every day over there is a long, cold, dangerous, unpredictable slog. Even though some say it’s technically spring (Can someone confirm that for me? I live in Maine.) the need for basic survival essentials is still critical, thus the reason why Daily Kos set up this fund. Since mid-March you added more than $30,000 for the chosen organizations that provide food, medical care, housing, education, financial aid, and animal rescue resources. The new total…

$3,704,280.98

…and you should give yourselves a hand for that. To support the chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and donate via ActBlue. Thanks for your ongoing support. And also for your ongoing middle fingers to Russia.

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Note: FREE GYROCOPTER RIDES ALL DAY!!!!

Disclaimer: Must bring own gyrocopter and provide free rides all day.

By the Numbers:

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10 days!!!

Days ’til the 2024 Olympics in Paris: 115

Days ’til the 87th annual Atlanta Dogwood Festival: 10

New minimum wage for fast-food workers in California that kicked in yesterday: $20/hr.

Number of fast-food workers in California: 500,000

Estimated number of American bridges that are in poor condition, according to ABC News: 42,400

Age of Gmail as of this month: 20

Age of Gloria Steinem as of last week: 90

Puppy Pic of the Day: Sitting lesson…

JEERS to fundraising madness. I know candidates have to send out money-beg emails, but I sure wish they could figure out a way to do it more creatively. Exhibit A: the Biden-Harris campaign—the only one I haven’t unsubscribed to because I want to keep tabs on their online marketing efforts. Here are their recent subject-line messages, which I could probably recite from memory from various political campaigns from twenty years ago:

Missing your signature, William … If you knew this, wouldn’t you chip in? … Our apologies … Our sincerest apologies … President Biden personally reached out … Not great … You deserve an explanation … Exclusive opportunity enclosed for William … Is there ANYTHING we can say to convince you, William? … Please give us a chance to explain … We need you, especially today … Here’s the deal, William … One more donation before the end of the month … Pummeled (we’re worried) … LAST call: we are so close … This is the FINAL call!

And so on (and so on). Every candidate. Every campaign. Every advocacy group. Every PAC. Same thing. All stuffing our in-boxes with cookie-cutter messages that careen from irrational exuberance to pulse-pounding desperation. It’s enough to drive you crazy. But not me—I passed that threshold a long time ago.

JEERS to today’s edition of That’s The Least Surprising Thing I’ve Heard All Day. Courtesy of CBS News:

A lead U.S. military investigator examining reports of what has become known as Havana Syndrome told 60 Minutes he believes U.S. officials are being attacked by Russia

A 2023 government report deemed it “very unlikely” that a foreign adversary was behind the mysterious brain injuries suffered by U.S. national security officials, yet more than 100 Americans have symptoms scientists say could be caused by a beam of microwaves or acoustic ultrasound. Victims are frustrated that the government publicly doubts an adversary is targeting Americans. The ongoing, five-year 60 Minutes investigation has now uncovered new evidence pointing toward Russia.

This has been today’s edition of That’s The Least Surprising Thing I’ve Heard All Day.

CHEERS to Charles Hall. He patented aluminum 135 years ago today.  And made the world safe for paranoids everywhere:

An Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB) is a type of headwear that can shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers.

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It’s just science, people. It’s. Just. Science.

AFDBs are inexpensive (even free if you don’t mind scrounging for thrown-out aluminium foil) and can be constructed by anyone with at least the dexterity of a chimp (maybe bonobo). This cheap and unobtrusive form of mind control protection offers real security to the masses. Not only do they protect against incoming signals, but they also block most forms of brain scanning and mind reading, keeping the secrets in your head truly secret. AFDBs are safe and operate automatically. All you do is make it and wear it and you’re good to go! Plus, AFDBs are stylish and comfortable.

Remember, bunker dwellers: shiny side out!

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

CHEERS to keeping the faith (to yourself). The downward spiral of participation in organized religion continues in America, as a combination of church leaders behaving badly, outdated dogma (insert “got run over by my karma” joke here), and unwashed rabble with more important things to do lead to empty pews and dwindling coffers. And Gallup‘s latest report is, well, holy moly, Batman…

Fifty years ago, in 1973, 87% of U.S. adults identified with a Christian religion, 6% were non-Christian or another religion, and 5% did not have a religious preference. Thus, much of the change in the U.S. has been a shift away from Christian religions to no religion at all. […]

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“Jesus, can I see you in my office please?” —Angry God, after seeing this chart

Even though most Americans have a religious preference and say religion is at least fairly important to them, much smaller proportions regularly attend religious services.

Asked whether they personally had attended church, synagogue, mosque or temple in the past seven days, an average of 32% of U.S. adults in 2023 reported they had done so, either in person or virtually. In 2000, 44% had gone to church in the past seven days, and in 1958, 49% had.

Golly. I’m worried. If the bajillion different gods humankind has come up with over the millennia to scare humanity into unquestioning obedience ever decide which one of them will be the one to smite us for going rogue like this, we’re in big trouble.

P.S. You have a speck in your eye! Ha Ha look at that speck! I mock you and your eye speck! Sincerely, Log Man.

CHEERS to big balls, little balls, balls balls balls! After a wild March of ups and downs and smiles and frowns—not to mention a road littered with busted brackets—your NCAA Fabulous Four women’s matchups are: South Carolina vs. NC State and Iowa vs. UConn.

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God help any of you kids who run “afoul” of referee McGillicutty’s eagle eyes.

Not many people know this, but I tried to compete on the basketball court in school. Didn’t work out. Coach said I didn’t have what it takes. (Like, say, height.) So you might say my hoops were dashed.

Ten years ago in C&J: April 2, 2014

CHEERS to dancing in the Isles.  Big doings in over in England and Wales.  Louisa Peacock at the Telegraph documents the chaos of the last few days:

Well folks, we had the warmest weekend of the year so far and—AND—the first gay weddings in Britain took place.

We didn’t have any floods … Ukip, I’m looking at you.  Ukip councillor David Silvester recently suggested that the Government’s decision to legalise gay marriage had led to the disastrous recent storms and heavy floods across the UK.  Well—shock!  Horror!  WE ALL SURVIVED.

We’re sending all the happy couplers the traditional British wedding-day gift: a Benny Hill tea cozy.

And just one more…

CHEERS to nighttime sparklies.  Now I know why our moon and all the planets and stars in the galaxy practice safe social distancing from us: we’re crazy!!!  But that can’t stop the universe’s most obnoxious parasites—that would be us—from gazing up and marveling at all the conquering we have yet to do. The elves at NASA always let us in on the big celestial events for the month, and here’s a look at April’s sky-watching tips, including details on next week’s eclipse and a comet dropping by to say howdy:

And don’t forget to go outside, think of Neil Armstrong, and wink at the full moon on the 23rd.  It’s the law.

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“The iconography of Cheers and Jeers as a place of freedom and boldness, those ideas have definitely been part of Beyonce’s ongoing star image.”

—Francesca Royster



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